Hurricane's and Four Year Olds

Hurricane's and four year olds are not a good combination. During Katrina and Ivan, The Bug and I hunkered down in the administrative offices of the psychiatric hospital where Military Man worked at that time. Ivan was not a problem, The Bug was only a few months old. Katrina, the bug was a year old, toddling around, getting into everything, and getting frustrated because there was not much to do in an administrative office. The Bug, now 4, is already getting frustrated and the the storm hasn't even hit. Thankfully, we are hunkering down at home this time. Here are the list of activities that I have come up with so far to keep her entertained...

• 7 movies rented from Blockbuster (DVD player charged in case power goes out.)
• 4 flavors of pudding for finger painting
• New crayons and coloring books
• Cookie mix to bake cookies (as long as the power does not go out)
• Games and puzzles

I am looking for input people. Anyone who has a small child will understand, you can only keep them cooped up for so long until they start going stir crazy and you as well. Any other ideas to keep a four year old entertained during a storm is greatly appreciated.

Aunt Edna follow up...

Military Man is pissed right now, and I mean pissed!!! He just got a phone call from the M.I.L. stating they are not coming. They have decided to go to a shelter and they are leaving their dogs with a friend. All day we have busted our butts getting the house cleaned up, cleaning up our guest bedrooms, doing tons of laundry, not to mention the cooking because Aunt Edna has a special diet (high carb, high sugar, junk food diet) and neglecting our child so the house would meet the M.I.L.'s and Aunt Edna's approval. To receive the phone call that they are not coming. This is pretty typical of the M.I.L. she usually finds a reason at the last minute not to drive over to our house. So, I am not surprised. It is just frustrating. So, for the next hour or so, I am going to relax, read my smut and spend some quality time with my child. The count down to Gustav has begun!!!

As I am sitting on my front porch bringing you this post, several kids have just ridden past me on their bikes, some sitting on the handle bars while their friends peddled. (Thought I would add that in for visual effect.) At the same time a guy walked past my house with several beers in his hand. One kid yelled to him "hey, looks like your ready for the hurricane." The guy answered, "all I need now is some weed." The kid's response "If I bring the weed, can I hang out at your house during the storm?" Hurricane preparation at its finest.

Oh, I need to give a shout out to my dear friend Trasheka. She had an extra lap top at home and has graciously let me borrow it for the next few days to bring you the latest happenings in the burned out household. Thanks Trasheka.

God Grant Me The Serenity...

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill

because they pissed me off."

Amen



Word came yesterday there was a mandatory evacuation where Military Man's mother (aka the M.I.L.) lived. So, Military Man came to me and stated that he told his mother she could come stay with us. No big deal. I can deal with the M.I.L. for 48 hours. It only made sense. The M.I.L. lost everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything when Hurricane Katrina hit exactly three years ago.



This morning the M.I.L. called and stated that she would not be coming because Aunt Edna (military man's aunt and the M.I.L.'s sister) was alone and wanted to stay with her. So military man and his d@$* military code of honor, invited the M.I.L., Aunt Edna, and their combined 6 animals to our house to wait out the storm. Again, no big deal EXCEPT...well, I guess now would be good time to tell you about Aunt Edna.



Although I have never met Aunt Edna, I have heard a lot about her. She can best be described as the black sheep of the family. She was not invited to our wedding at the decision of Military Man and the M.I.L. According the Military Man, the woman can only be described in one word...CRAZY!!!

Aunt Edna is approximately 300 pounds and is common law married Lester. Lester is Aunt Edna's "black boyfriend" as my M.I.L. likes to so eloquently put it. Not that I have a problem with that, but when you live in the south, it can be an issue. But that is not the point of this post. "Uncle Lester" also happens to be an ex-convict who has spent time in jail. From my understanding, he was framed, he was simply "holding" the crack for someone else. Most recently, "Uncle Lester" became employed with the State of Mississippi making .25 cents for every license plate made. In 3 to 6 years, he could advance to head license plate maker specializing in the personalized license plates. Aunt Edna is very proud. Aunt Edna also has her daughter Trixie, who is 26, married to her 3rd husband, and recently made parole. Apparently she was framed along with "Uncle Lester."

So, in addition to the usual marriage advice on how I can be a better wife, parenting advice, and comments about my drinking problem (by the way, there are 6 large bottles of wine under the table in out breakfast nook and six more hanging on the wine rack) I may have to break open a few. I will also be entertaining Aunt Edna.

They are due here anytime now, please say a prayer for me. With any luck, Hurricane Gustav will pass quickly and the M.I.L. and Aunt Edna will be able to return to their homes within 48 hours.

The Day The Computer Died

I come to you courtesy of Trasheka's lap top. You see, last week as I turned on my computer to bring you all up to day on how the bug's first week of school went, the computer screen went black and three words popped up on the screen YOU MUST REBOOT.


"What the f$&%!", and yes, those were my exact words, I was just on this d*@# computer yesterday and everything was fine. But apparently on Friday, my computer finally decided that enough was enough. After almost 8 years of supporting military man through graduate school, (by the way, it was still supporting him as of last week,) over 700 pictures downloaded of the bug, emails, web surfing, and most importantly blogging it finally kicked the bucket.

Let's face it, our desktop was a dinosaur and it was time to be replaced. Approximately 3 months ago, sensing that our computer was on its last leg, I approached Military Man about looking into purchasing a new computer. "Why do we need a computer?" he asked, "The one we have works just fine." Now is probably a good time to explain how Military Man is about finances and spending money. In a nutshell, you spend money on what you need, food, water, power, gasoline, mortgage, car note, the rest goes into savings. You do not spend your money on frivolous stuff such as new computers or god forbid, a family vacation. The last vacation we took was 6 years ago, and that was our honeymoon. I know pretty sad, but I digress. Back to the computer issue...

So over 3 months ago, Military Man in his infinite Military Man wisdom, refused to acknowledge that it was time for a new computer. I tried every angle I could think of to convince him that looking into a new computer was probably a really good idea. Military Man would not listen. As long as our dinosaur of a computer was operating, there was no need to look into purchasing a new one.

And then last Friday, just as the computer died, I received more devastating news, repairs on my car (which also could have been avoided if Military Man had just listened to me when I told him that my car was making a horrendous metal rubbing upon metal sound) was going to cost close to $1000 dollars. So the choice was clear, spend the money on a new computer or get the repairs on the car. The car won.

So now, thanks to my dear friend Trasheka, I am able to bring you the latest tale as to why I have not been blogging lately. It seems like the last two months if it has not been one thing it has been another. Quite frustrating if you ask me. So, I am looking for recommendations on computers. Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Granted, considering that I do not have easy access to a computer, I don't know when I will be able to read your comments, but I appreciate anything you have to say.

On to another subject, right now as I am bringing you the latest drama that has been occurring in my life, Trasheka is surfing the porn station in our hotel room (double beds people, get your minds out of the gutter). It is a debate between "Slam It In" or "Buxom Rod Riders," we can't stop laughing at the titles. I'll let you know what we decide. Until next time.

Lemony Poo

I woke up this morning to the smell of dog poo and Lysol Lemon scented Kitchen Cleaner. What the F*&%? I looked to Military Man and asked "Why do I smell dog poo and Lysol Lemon Cleaner?" It appears that sometime during the night, one of our dogs had a "slight accident."



Slight being the operative word since apparently there was shit and yes I said shit in our hallway, bathroom, and computer room. (We are still trying to figure out who the culprit is...neither will confess.)


Military Man made the discovery around 3 am when he stepped in a pile (there's no other way to describe it) while sleep walking (woke him pretty darn quick.) I fortunately, missed the drama and clean up as I was in a benadryl coma.


Unfortunately, I am now surrounded by the smell of Lemony poo. You see, Military Man, in his infinite wisdom, chose to clean up as follows:

1. Thoroughly wash foot with scalding hot water, antibacterial soap, followed by a good soak in rubbing alcohol, another run through scalding hot water, antibacterial soap, thorough rinse with rubbing alcohol, pat dry.



2. Spray dog poo with Urine Out and then wipe up with toilet paper



3. Spray hard wood floors with Lysol Lemon scented Kitchen cleaner



4. Go back to bed.

Now, if Military Man had only put as much energy in cleaning my hard word floors as he did in washing his damn foot, my floor would not smell like Lemony poo. So, instead of relaxing during my week off, I am off to purchase some strong hard wood floor cleaner, more urine out (since Military Man used it all) and a mask. The remainder of my day will be spent thoroughly cleaning my hard wood floors and trying to rid myself of the scent of Lemony poo.

Have a Great Day!!!

When You Work For A Bureaucracy...

• You are instructed by the Foster Care Big Dog that you cannot generate a voucher because you must use your child's private earmarked money (SSI Disability, Child Support, Survivor's benefits, etc) to purchase clothing, shoes, personal hygiene products, school uniforms, or any other item your child might need. Then to be told by the finance office that you cannot use your child's private earmarked money because ALL the money is going to be used to pay the state back for the child's placement. You are instructed by the finance big dog to generate a voucher. You generate the voucher only to be told by the Foster Care Big Dog, that she will not approve it because your child receives private earmarked money.
• You are signed up by the Big Dog to go to a specialized training, you travel four hours and over 300 miles to receive a phone call from the Big Dog telling you that you will not be paid mileage due to budget cuts and because it was not a previously approved training by the State Big Dogs.
• You have a case reviewed two months prior to the Federal Review by a State Consultant who tells you that since the agency holds permanent custody of a child and the plan is adoption, we are NOT to allow the child to visit siblings not in our custody due to the liability. The case is reviewed by the Feds and upon receiving the write up and scoring, you now have to send a written response to the Big Dog Assistant Director explaining why you have not scheduled visits between siblings for the last two months.
• Your supervisor approves your leave for the afternoon so you can attend your child's Open House, only to call you 15 minutes before you are scheduled to leave for the remainder of the day to tell you that before you go you must submit a report on a specialized permanency study the Quality Assurance Team is asking for. You don't leave the office for another hour and 45 minutes, missing the Open House. Only to find out the next day that the report was not due for another week.
• The Big Dog calls for a formal investigation on your case practice after a birth parent files a formal complaint against you because she is not allowed to have contact with her children, although her rights were terminated 4 years ago, her children have been adopted, and the Judge has issued a standing no contact order at the Guardian Ad Litem's request.

Dump truck driving is looking more and more promising every day!!! I wonder if they offer a 401K?

Three Year Old Potty Humor

In January, just before I started this blog, I shared my experience regarding the Bug and her "sense of humor" with a friend who has a toddler. I felt compelled to share my "pearls of wisdom" so she could prepare for the upcoming years. Yesterday, I was sharing my story with another friend whose child had just turned 3. She insisted that I share my story with others. Therefore, for all of you who have children age 3 and younger, please know, you are not alone...

1/14/08:

After this past weekend, I felt compelled to pass along what I have now discovered about my child and three year olds in general. When the bug was about a year old, my friend H, who has a son approximately 2 years older than the bug, kept telling me “just wait till she turns three, that’s when the fun really begins.” The first couple of years have been so wonderful that I thought H was just making assumptions that my daughter would display many of the same behaviors as her son. I kept thinking “the bug is NOTHING, like J. The bug is a calm, quiet, polite child who entertains herself, loves to be read to, and makes vegetable soup out of plastic fruit. J is a child who is text book ADHD and thinks nothing of trying to scale a bring wall or hang from the twig of a small tree. Our children were sooooo different. Ohhhh, how wrong I was. I now understand what H was saying. You may have heard this all before…but what I am about to tell you is both shocking and risqué……Welcome to three year old potty humor.

Approximately one month ago the bug became obsessed with the words underwear, panties, tooter, and all bodily functions. Currently her two favorite songs are Puff the Magic Dragon and Joy to the World. Except, she has now felt the need to change the words…here is an example of what I got to listen to in my car and at home ALL WEEKEND.

“Puff the magic tooter, lived by the panties, and frolicked in the autumn toots in a land called underwear.”

“Jeremiah was an underwear, was a good friend of toots, I never understood a single panties, but we always had a mighty fine underwear. Singing, Joy to the Underwear, all you boys and girls, joy to the panties and the deep blue toots, joy to you and underwear.”

And let’s now forget…

“We will, we will, plop it. We will flush the toilet, hope that you enjoy it.”

Nice Huh? Oh…but it gets better.

Last week the bug brought a note home saying that she is now calling some of her friends “Poo Poo baby diaper head.” She informed her teacher that Girls toot on the potty, and boys toot all over the house. She likes to call my sister on the phone and tell her that she is “a stinky tooter.” (I personally believe, my sister’s husband put her up to that one.)

I have been assured by H. that this does pass; however, I just hope she doesn’t decide to break into potty humor while we are at church. Pray for us.

I'm Having Issues

Seriously, for the last few days my computer has been giving me major attitude. It started several days ago when I tried to log into my blog and I was quite rudely told that Internet Explorer could not log onto my site. Can you believe it...so I tried to log on to my dear friend drama mama's site, I got knocked out of her site as well. (fyi, drama mama, just in case you were wondering why I haven't visited you lately.) So I tried my friend Eli's, guess what...no problem. Weird...

I learned today that there was a technical glitch which denied me access to my precious blog. Not that I have been blogging lately, life has sorta taken over and blogging has not been high on my priority list. But now I am back, I hope. Feds have come and gone, weddings have been wed, and relatives have been moved. It is time to get my rear back in gear and get to blogging. I am so sorry that I have been remiss lately in my daily post. But you know how life goes. Please don't give up on me!!!! I love hearing from you, so keep coming back. Have I mentioned I had a cubish boyfriend and my personal experience with "manholes"? No...well...stay tuned.