Think Before You Speak!!!!

Military Man, the bug, and I live in the historical district in our city. Our house is located on a fairly quiet street. It is one of many that is close to 100 years old. I love our house, the street, and the historical feel of our neighborhood.

At the end of our street is one of the original houses that was built. It is a beautiful old Victorian home built in the 1800's. Several years back the owners turned the home into a bed and breakfast. There are all sorts of interesting characters that we see walking in and out of the home. Military Man calls them the B&B freaks because when they stay at the B&B inevitably, they will walk up and down the street, stop and stare at the houses, and maybe take some pictures. This really does not bother us, but it is funny to hear the comments as they are trying to determine the era the house was built, what was happening in history, and the possible architectural influences that went into the home. (It's kinda like listening to Cliff from Cheers.)

On Saturday, Military Man was outside on our front porch watering the ferns when he noticed a man and two women walking down the sidewalk. He watched as they walked and stopped in front of every house to take a picture, then the man would give some commentary on the house, and they would walk to the next house and do the same thing all over again. Military Man knew immediately it was the B&B freaks. As he watched the thought kept going through his head, "What are these freaks doing?" When they got to our house, they stopped, took their picture, the man began giving his architectural commentary on our house, when he noticed Military Man was standing on the front porch. The man stopped talking and politely said "hello" to Military Man. Military Man's response "How ya doin' freaks!"

"What did you just say?" the man asked.

"Um...nothing" was Military Man's response. He was so embarrassed, he dropped the house, still running, and immediately walked inside the house.

I knew immediately that something was wrong. Military Man looked at me and stated "I think I just did something that could potentially ruin our relationship with our neighbors."

After explaining to me what he had done, I looked at him and stated "Don't you know to think before you speak!"

"That's just it," he said, "I thought, 'freaks,' and I spoke it."

So, now I need to think of something for "damage control" if our neighbor mentions the freak statement. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated. But I think Military Man has learned his lesson. Sometimes, it's not better to think before you speak and it's best to let your wife water the ferns on Saturday afternoons. (Or so I have been told.)

Worms in the Apple

The Bug’s daycare teacher utilizes a reward system for good behavior. Good behavior equals a visit to the treasure chest on Fridays. Bad behavior equals a worm in the apple. The number of worms you receive during the week will determine if you will visit the treasure chest. The more worms you have in your apple the less the chance you get a surprise from the treasure chest. The Bug, who normally comes home every Friday with a “treasure” apparently decided to test the worm theory out on Tuesday. Here is a summary from the note that I received…

8:30 am: The Bug shoves another child and yells “leave me alone.” (receives one worm.)

9:30 am: The Bug yells at teacher and when she tells her she will be receiving a worm in her apple her response was “I don’t care.” (receives one worm.)

10:45 am: The Bug tells another child “my mommy is going to cut your head off” and proceeds to make a slicing motion across her throat. When asked who told her to say that, The Bug informs the teacher that the monsters and the dragons in her room told her to and so did her mommy. (receives two worms.) Note: it is bad enough that The Bug said this, but what makes it even worse is that she said it to the daughter of a Southern Baptist Minister. And for those of you who do not understand Southern Baptist, well, I will have to save that for another post. And before you anyone gets their feather's ruffled, I can talk about them, I'm married to a former southern baptist.

11:30 am: The Bug gets angry because another child will not leave her alone and grabs her around the neck from behind, choking her. (Receives one worm.) At this point, I have received a call informing me that the Bug is having a really bad day and if her aggressive behavior continues I will have to come pick her up)

3:15 pm: The Bug ignores the teacher’s instructions to not climb on the old playground equipment, when told that she would receive a worm in her apple and that she would be placed on a yellow caution light, plus a note would be sent home, the Bug’s response was “Do, do, send a note home, give me a worm, I don’t care.” (Receives three worms in her apple.)

4:30 pm: The Bug spits on one child and pushes another because “they were bothering me.” (receives two worms and gets sent to the front office to wait with the daycare director until I pick her up.)

The Good News: The director believes that the Bug was having an extremely bad day as this is not her usual disposition and she will be able to come back to school on Wednesday. (Translation: Ugly Naked Four Year Old Monster took over my child’s body for the day.)

The Bad News: 10 worms, no treasure chest.

Maybe next week will be better.

My Name is Betsy...and I'm An Addict!!!

It is no secret, most of the individuals at work know, including Military Man. I came out with my addiction several years ago and have received an unbelievable amount of support and encouragement from my co-workers.

My addiction began over 15 years ago when I was introduced to the “stuff” by my neighbor. I was a senior in college and had hit a complete mental block on my senior paper. My brain had completely shut down on me and I could not get another thought or word out on paper. I had been working 24 hours a day doing research, interviews, and typing away until my fingers bled. I was stressed out, strung out, completely overwhelmed that I would not be able to meet my deadline and was at my breaking point. That is when my neighbor Louisa called me into her dorm room and stated that she could provide me with something that was guaranteed to get my mind off of my senior paper and relieve the stress that was taking over my life. She pointed to the basket sitting in the middle of the floor in her dorm room; there must have been at least 30 of them. Although I had heard that it would take over and consume every waking moment of your day, I was desperate; I needed something to get my mind off the paper, off the stress, off the impending feeling of doom that my paper was not going to be completed on time.

I immediately went back to my dorm room and opened it, within the first hour, I was sucked in and everyone and everything around me was forgotten. By the 2nd hour I was lost in my fantasy world of throbbing loins, heaving bosoms, and golden man rods. Women were kidnapped, raped, and fell head over heals for their captor. By 3 am, I left my fantasy world. I slept for two hours and by 5 am, I was entering a second fantasy world and for the next few days the only thing that existed was me and my fantasies of loins and happily ever after. I was hooked and for the remainder of my senior year, my weekends were used as an escape from reality into the wild and sometimes raunchy fantasy world of the romance novel also known as SMUT.

After college, recognizing that I had an addiction I sought help through Tom Clancey and Jane Austen. I experienced withdrawal from my addiction, but I took it one day at a time. I recovered and was able to move on. I focused on my masters’ degree and then another masters’ degree. My addiction was soon a moment in my past, forgotten.

Approximately 5 years ago strung out, stressed out, and overwhelmed by an extremely difficult case, I found myself wandering through Barnes and Noble one day after work. When I looked up, I was standing in the Romance Section. It was all over. I purchased three books, went home, opened the first one up, and oh sweet heaven, I was gone. It was too much. Bare chested men, bulging biceps, “man roots thick and heavy!” Oh my…..is it getting hot in here? I think I need a moment …

Ok, I’m back. My addiction is now stronger than ever. It is my escape from reality and the stress of the everyday world. I visit the library regularly, plus I have memberships to Barnes and Noble and Books-A-Million. When I have to travel for work, I check out books on c.d. I do not limit myself to historical smut; I read modern day smut as well. Military Man, knowing there is no way that he can break my addiction, supplies me with gift cards to Barnes and Nobles and Books A Million to help support my habit. It is an addiction and I have now drawn my co-workers in as well. I have a library of smut at home and in a corner under my desk. When my co-workers need a break from reality, they come to me to feed their budding addiction. I am the PERVAYOR OF SMUT.

I have no plans of stopping. I am too far into my addiction and no intervention will stop me. As long as SMUT is written I will keep reading. So, since Trasheka is busy studying and can not find the time to catch up on her SMUT activities, I leave this in her honor….

He smiled against her skin and nipped her ear, but passion was already erupting through his body, raging through his veins like wildfire, refusing to be delayed or denied. Shaken by the force of it, he turned her face up to his and captured her mouth. Her lips moved against his, sweetly, softly at first, then deliberately provocative as her tongue slipped into his mouth. He lost control. Turning her in his arms, he laid her down on the blanket, his body half covering hers, and shoved his fingers into her hair, holding her captive for a plundering kiss…The touch of her hands and mouth set him on fire, and each soft sound she made sent his blood roaring as he led her from one plateau to the next higher one, whispering hoarse heated words of pleasure to her.

“Paradise”
Judith McNaught

Helllooo...Is Anyone Out There?

Tap, tap, tap...is anyone out there? Helllooo....hello....are you still there? I've missed you guys!!! Have you missed me? Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control, my ISP (internet service provider) decided to make life difficult and refused to allow me access to you for the last several days. Therefore, I have had to entertain myself by blowing my nose (yes, the plague struck my household yet again), playing hide and go seek way too much, and reading a lot, and I mean a lot of SMUT.

But this time away has been good for me and I have lots of stuff to tell you. So much stuff that I could not possibly squeeze it in all in one posting. So, I am typing away, getting my thoughts organized, making my fingers bleed, to bring you thought provoking, awe inspiring, jaw dropping, and probably something that will bring my cyber stalkers out of their hiding place.

I promise, you won't be disappointed!!!

A Meeting with the Big Dog

Okay...so this morning the Big Dog Manager calls a MANDATORY Emergency Meeting for all foster care and family preservation staff. The meeting was supposedly to discuss the federal review that is being held this week. Here are some of the Big Dog highlights...

Regarding the Federal Review...

"We gots 20 cases pulled, 6 cases will be pulled randoms and everybody will be talked with."

Regarding our case practice...

"I never forgets where I came from. Be factual with people, don't hee haw around with 'im. All of our people are nots as smart as us."

"We want what we'd want for our own personal children. I am holding ya'll accountable, these are your children and ya'll need to make sure that their gettin' whats they needs. "

"We need to be holding these parents to the gun. They needs to be paying their support. These are their children; we need to hold them accountable."

Regarding paperwork efficiency...

"Ya'll need to learn to work smart. It can be done. Process the paperwork as you do the report. If you have to go see Marge 50 times that's okay."


So...are you as confused as were after the meeting? The feds come tomorrow. Ya'll say a prayer for me. If you don't here from me for the next few days, don't worry...I'm probably out dumping dirt.

Happy 4th of July!!!!

Well...we are off to friends for swimming, barbeque ribs, potato salad, baked beans, grilled corn on the cob, and ice cold beer (just kidding about the beer, our friends are kinda hyper religious and don't believe in drinking.) So, please have a beer for me or a glass of wine or a margarita, or something obtaining some form of alcohol. Thanks! And for my friend C.B., I suggest you take the day off and help us celebrate our independence from your country. Go have a rib on me!!! Shoot off a couple of fireworks as well!!!

Have a Grand and Glorious 4th!

Did you think I had forgotten?

Okay...I know that I told you that I would post my answers to your questions two days ago, but life took over and I've been kinda busy the last two days. So here it is...everything you wanted to know and some things I answered.

What was the most memorable case that you've had to deal with both on a positive scale and a negative scale?
Ohhh, that is a hard one. Every case is memorable because I have been impacted by every child that I have worked with. But if I had to name one, I would have to say it was my blood, sweat, and tears case. That story definitely deserves its own post...so stay tuned.

Seriously, what is the best way go about searching for a child to adopt from foster care?

Not knowing where you are in the homestudy/adoption process and what the rules are in your state. If you have a completed homestudy, I would recommend visiting the adopt us kids website. The children on the adopt us kids website are older children (many sibling groups) who are legally free for adoption. And there are children on the website from every state. Keep in mind that I work on the county level, but if I recall correctly and I can double check with my consultant tomorrow. If there is a child on the adopt us kids website that you are interested in, you contact the agency via the website. The caseworker will request your homestudy and determine if you are an appropriate match for the child. We are very specific in matching a forever family to children, not a child to a family.

What are we, the waiting family, doing wrong? In my experience, you have to be proactive. Many families, once they have been approved, wait to be contacted by the county worker when a child becomes available. If you are interested in foster to adopt, then you may have a child placed in your home faster; however, you need to be prepared when that child leaves to go to a relatives or back to the birth family.

How much did the bug weigh at birth?

The bug weighed 7 lbs., 13 oz and was 21 ½ inches long. She was also born at 38 weeks. I was induced because the doctor was afraid that if she got any bigger they would have to do an emergency c-section.

Tell us about how you and military man almost broke up.

Ahhh…that is definitely a post in itself. Which I will not share today.

Do you think you will ever get to take a real vacation?!

Vacation? What’s a vacation? Every time I tried to take time off I get called in to work and have to cancel my plans. The only real time I have every taken is when I am sick or if the bug is sick and then I get called at home anyway. But, we are planning a trip sometime in 2010.

So if you weren't a social worker what do you think you'd be doing now?

Ooo, I really don’t know. I truly believe that this was my calling. It would probably involve working with children, but honestly, I never really thought about it. But I do know that it would not be teaching. My grandmother, mother (the warden), and older sister (aka the martyr) were/are teachers. Actually my grandmother was a principal. I have no desire to go into a classroom.

If you were a close family member of Bill Gates (which you might be.. for all I know!) how would you advise him to spend some of his billions to make a difference in the country/world?

How did you know that Bill Gates is my Uncle (just kidding…I wish Bill Gates was my uncle.) The first thing I would advise is to use some of his billions to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina in the Mississippi and Alabama region. These regions as well as some other areas in Louisiana have somehow been forgotten. You see celebrities like Brad Pitt and Harry Connick Jr. (by the way Harry if you’re reading this post…big fan…love your music) promoting to rebuild New Orleans and helping the families in the 9th ward. Don’t get me wrong, what happened in New Orleans is awful, but three states were affected by this hurricane close to three years ago. I can speak personally on this because my mother-in-law was one of those whose life has forever been changed. She lived in a small house approximately 5 miles from the beach. At the height of the storm, an 8 foot wall of water came over her house, picked it up and literally turned it on its side. Fortunately, she and my then father-in-law had left and were staying in a shelter, but they had to leave their 3 dogs behind. They lost everything.

It took almost a year before they received their FEMA trailer, and just last month she finally received a Katrina Cottage. Here is the thing, my mother in law, like many others, is a blue collar worker and she did not have insurance on her home. She owns out right the small piece of property that her home sat on. If she were to build another home, it would have to be raised 10 to 15 feet off the ground (new regulations now that her neighborhood has been reclassified as a flood zone.) The cost for that alone is close to $10,000. Then the cost of rebuilding on top of that, is something she cannot afford. I promise you that she is not the only one in this situation and the federal government is dragging their feet in getting needed assistance to these families. So while I applaud that efforts that are being made to rebuild New Orleans, I also think that attention needs to be brought to Mississippi and Alabama. Individuals' homes and lives were lost too and we should not forget that.

Do you guys want more babies? Yes.

Does MM support your career path?

Yes…he actually agreed to put off getting married for two years so I go back to graduate school for my MSW.

Do you have a coping mechanism that helps you to not fall in love with the children you take into care?

I become attached to every child that I work with. Each child has had a significant impact in my life. I have a bulletin board in my office of all the children that I have every worked with. I think it is important to always remember the children and never forget why you chose this field.

Would you ever consider fostering? Honestly, no. Not that I don’t think it is an admirable thing and I applaud the foster families that I work with. Many I would love to clone. It is definitely a calling for those that are in it for the right reasons. But neither Military Man nor I have a desire to foster. Also, our agency has a strict policy that if you reside in the same county as you work, then you cannot be a foster parent (it is considered a conflict of interest.) However, if you reside in a different county, you can be a foster parent for the county in which you reside, as long as you do not work in that county. You get the picture.

And just for good measure, have you purchased a toy dump truck for The Bug yet?
I tried, but the dump truck didn't have a pink tutu, so she wasn't interested.

Public or Private Schools for the Bug? Why? Just curious as I am officially in the 2nd worst school district in the nation and trying to figure out if there is a way or reason to navigate the public school system in order to support it...

PRIVATE SCHOOL. Not that Military Man and I aren’t supporters of a public school education, believe me we are. The problem is one: the school district we are zoned for is literally in the middle of the hood. Yes…there are hoods in my county. The idea of the bug going to a school in a high crime neighborhood known for drug trafficking doesn’t sit well with me. Two: Our school system is in a major crisis. This past spring they had the biggest lay off I have seen so far. Special education teachers, teacher’s aides, P.E. teachers, Music teachers, Assistant Principals all lost their jobs. They are getting rid of all the special education classrooms and going to all inclusion classrooms. Granted this is a good idea in theory, but I have had enough experience with children in my caseload to tell you that some children receiving special ed services DO NOT need to be in a regular classroom setting. The teacher spends all her time trying to keep the child under control which takes away from the other children learning. And three: I honestly do not agree with some of the theories the current school board has for children in kindergarten and elementary school. Who ever heard of no quiet/nap time for kindergarten? I just do not think the current school board is looking out for the best interest of the children and until new individuals are elected, we are simply not comfortable with sending her to public school. We have looked at all our options and right now Private school is in her best interest if we want her to have a solid foundation. If it was just a bad school zone I might try to get a hardship transfer to a better district, but the system needs a complete overhaul and until that is done there is no way she will be in public school.

What ever happened to the weird ex?

Didn't I already answer that question several post ago? But in case I didn't...the last I heard, which was several years ago, he married the next girl he dated after me. They have a daughter and I just hope she took after her mother. If she looks like her daddy...well

Poor thing!!!

Well ya'll it's been fun. I hope you enjoyed this question and answer session as much as I have. Keep the questions and comments coming, I always look forward to hearing what you have to say. Until next time....

Thanks!!!

Thanks ya'll there were some really great questions and I am working on my responses. Unfortunately, right now I am being called away from the computer so I can attend a "Hannah Fontana" (yes I know it is Montana, but try telling that to the bug) concert performed by the bug. I hope to have my answers to you before the night is out. See ya soon!