God Grant Me The Serenity...

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill

because they pissed me off."

Amen



Word came yesterday there was a mandatory evacuation where Military Man's mother (aka the M.I.L.) lived. So, Military Man came to me and stated that he told his mother she could come stay with us. No big deal. I can deal with the M.I.L. for 48 hours. It only made sense. The M.I.L. lost everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything when Hurricane Katrina hit exactly three years ago.



This morning the M.I.L. called and stated that she would not be coming because Aunt Edna (military man's aunt and the M.I.L.'s sister) was alone and wanted to stay with her. So military man and his d@$* military code of honor, invited the M.I.L., Aunt Edna, and their combined 6 animals to our house to wait out the storm. Again, no big deal EXCEPT...well, I guess now would be good time to tell you about Aunt Edna.



Although I have never met Aunt Edna, I have heard a lot about her. She can best be described as the black sheep of the family. She was not invited to our wedding at the decision of Military Man and the M.I.L. According the Military Man, the woman can only be described in one word...CRAZY!!!

Aunt Edna is approximately 300 pounds and is common law married Lester. Lester is Aunt Edna's "black boyfriend" as my M.I.L. likes to so eloquently put it. Not that I have a problem with that, but when you live in the south, it can be an issue. But that is not the point of this post. "Uncle Lester" also happens to be an ex-convict who has spent time in jail. From my understanding, he was framed, he was simply "holding" the crack for someone else. Most recently, "Uncle Lester" became employed with the State of Mississippi making .25 cents for every license plate made. In 3 to 6 years, he could advance to head license plate maker specializing in the personalized license plates. Aunt Edna is very proud. Aunt Edna also has her daughter Trixie, who is 26, married to her 3rd husband, and recently made parole. Apparently she was framed along with "Uncle Lester."

So, in addition to the usual marriage advice on how I can be a better wife, parenting advice, and comments about my drinking problem (by the way, there are 6 large bottles of wine under the table in out breakfast nook and six more hanging on the wine rack) I may have to break open a few. I will also be entertaining Aunt Edna.

They are due here anytime now, please say a prayer for me. With any luck, Hurricane Gustav will pass quickly and the M.I.L. and Aunt Edna will be able to return to their homes within 48 hours.